All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
