Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
