and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
