Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
