She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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