atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
