She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
