I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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