Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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