it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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