Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
