I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
