I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
