I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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