That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
