i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
