She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's blow job season.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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