fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
