I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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