Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
