I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
