Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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