i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
