Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
