I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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