New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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