please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize