i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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