this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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