Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
