is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
