my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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