look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
