Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize