he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
