Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
