She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
