I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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