but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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