I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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