he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
