You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
