oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
