My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
