Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
