At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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