; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
