just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
