If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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