I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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