In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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