There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
