I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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