I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
