My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
