there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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