Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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