he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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