I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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