omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
