Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
