oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
