Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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