this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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