How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
