I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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