Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
