My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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