i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I want is dick and wine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
