Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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