I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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